I Am Tired Of My Husband Earning a Living!

Published on August 25, 2005 By greywar In Current Events

[sarcasm] I mean really he works 12 hours a day (and never the same 12) and then he insists that I manage to keep on top of the bills somehwere in my 12 hour a day at home schedule! What does he expect of me? I mean I spend 3 hours a day on houseworks at least! SO what if eh does the dishes after I spend an hour a day cooking for him? Thats still 4 hours of solid work out of the 12 he is away from home! That bastard!

How dare he earn a living! Fuck him and his "military life"! I deserve better!

[/sarcasm]

Comments (Page 3)

greywar

on Aug 25, 2005

I am the one who is "blaming" the military for the atmosphere that holds the Soldier up as the most important person in the family and which encourages Soldiers to be base, immature, and unfaithful through the examples and interaction of their leaders.

You are kidding here right? The *organization* is responsible for the actions of a retard? Please...

Texas Wahine

on Aug 25, 2005

You are kidding here right? The *organization* is responsible for the actions of a retard? Please...

No, I'm not kidding. We are all responsible for our own actions. However, I do blame the military (and again, it's not like this throughout, but it's not exactly rare, either) for providing an atmosphere where debauchery and neglect of family responsibilities are encouraged. Do you feel that it's OK for the leadership to engage in and encourage this sort of thing?

With friendships and other relationships, we can choose who we want to be around. If our friends live a lifestyle that we find distasteful we can stop seeing them. In the military, you cannot simply stop being around your leadership and coworkers.

My husband has always been an upstanding, devoted family man. Please believe me when I tell you that what he did was completely out of character for him. It was if he was someone else. This is not an excuse for the decision he made. However, had he not been in this atmosphere, this would not have happened. He would never have chosen to put himself in that type of environment. I'm sure that you won't believe that, and that's fine because you don't have to. I know him better than anyone else, I am certain of it, and that is all that matters.

You have no idea the tears he's cried and the remorse and guilt that has eaten at him over the mistakes he made. He is stronger now, and more aware of what can happen if he allows it. As damaging as all that's taken place has been, it has in a sense strengthened our marriage.

He could withstand that atmosphere now, where he couldn't before. But the question is, why should he have to? Why should Soldiers be subjected to that and tested like that?

It needs to be fixed.

greywar

on Aug 25, 2005

That is the same as blaming Mc Donalds and the Cold Stone Creamery for "encouraging" people to be fat! Utter nonsense.

Texas Wahine

on Aug 25, 2005

Haha, not exactly. I don't think "blame" is necessarily the right word. I wouldn't carry it quite that far. We are all accountable for our actions and the choices we make.

However, our experiences and interactions with others can influence the choices we make. It's still our choice, and we are still the one to blame, but we can look back and examine what influenced our choice. When we see that there is something that influences us negatively, then we remove that influence in order to lessen our temptation to do what we know is wrong.

If your leadership or your coworkers are the negative influence, then what do you do?

Some aspects of military culture are negative influences, and pockets exist where the negative influence is strong and permeates nearly every part of a Soldier's life.

Again, why should this exist? It clearly goes against Army values and some of it violates the UCMJ. Soldiers are told to look to their leadership for examples of how to conduct themselves, and yet many have leadership that show favor to and reward Soldiers who are doing these things. You don't see this as wrong?

greywar

on Aug 25, 2005

Some aspects of military culture are negative influences, and pockets exist where the negative influence is strong and permeates nearly every part of a Soldier's life.

It is the Soldier who makes the decision here. If life has no choices then we are simply automatons. If you or you loved ones make a bad choice it is cowardly to blame (your word not mine) their job for "promoting an enviornment".

Texas Wahine

on Aug 25, 2005

greywar: So, you have no problem with the leadership engaging in affairs, encouraging those under them to have affairs, engaging in sexual harassment and encouraging those under them to engage in sexual harassment, as well as introducing their Soldiers to women with the intent of the Soldier sleeping with the woman, and providing condoms and places for the men to sleep with the woman, and then covering for the Soldier and giving them high fives and attaboys for the infidelity?

We can disagree about whether our external experiences affect our behavior, but do you disagree that what I've described above is wrong and should not be taking place?

greywar

on Aug 25, 2005

So, you have no problem with the leadership engaging in affairs, encouraging those under them to have affairs

Nope. It is not the place of ANY employer to take responisbility for the personal affairs of ANY employees.

Texas Wahine

on Aug 25, 2005

Wow. I'm disappointed. Then what's the point of having NCOs? You remember the creed, right? It's called "leadership" for a reason.

Wow.

I don't even know what to say. It's difficult to understand how someone could actually feel that it is appropriate for the NCOs in charge of the Soldiers to do these things. What ever happened to discipline, honor, ethics? Are the NCOs not supposed to lead by example?

Some of the things I've described are punishable under the UCMJ, and yet you see no problem with it?

Wow.

Locamama

on Aug 25, 2005

You really have no idea what you are talking about. I appreciate that my husband goes to work everyday and provides for our family. I know that his command sucks big time and that he is stuck there for at least another year and a half.

My point is that he goes on det. I am not sitting on my ass watching soaps, knitting scarves and eating bon bons. I do daycare over ten hours a day. I change poopy diapers and wipe snotty noses and contribute to this household. And when my day is over do I get to punch out and relax and enjoy myself and do whatever I want. No I still have three kids of my own to take care of. I do not get thirty days of paid leave a year. I do not get to call in and come in late because I was up late the night before. I have to drag my ass out of bed every morning whether I feel like it or not.

I pay the bills, take care of the kids, maintain the household and what do I get - appreciation, respect, thankfulness? No - I get my ass chewed for something completely retarded. The bill was paid in full. The next bill arrived yesterday and will be paid on full by the due date. And though I know he has to work on his det's. He also went to a Dodgers game, played golf three times, went to the beach. I got to go to Walmart and buy school supplies for my kids - how exciting for me. Also he manages to spend more than allotted on all of these dets. But I should just suck it up so he can have his fun. I am tired of my husband earning a living - kiss my ass. That's fair. But hey thanks for the sarcastic post. I really appreciated it. Walk a mile in my flip flops. You wouldn't think it was so great. I guarantee it.

greywar

on Aug 25, 2005

It's difficult to understand how someone could actually feel that it is appropriate for the NCOs in charge of the Soldiers to do these things. What ever happened to discipline, honor, ethics? Are the NCOs not supposed to lead by example?

Never said it was apporpriate, but the acts of bad leaders are NOT any sort of excuse for poor behavior by anyone else. EVER. "Well he did it." is just as stupid when you are 30 as it was when you are 6. If anyone is using that as an excuse they need to grow up and be an adult. Period. NOTHING an NCO, Officer, or private does excuses someones personal choices and to say otherwise is simply making excuses for an immature and irresponsible "adult".

greywar

on Aug 25, 2005

I pay the bills, take care of the kids, maintain the household and what do I get - appreciation, respect, thankfulness? No - I get my ass chewed for something completely retarded.

The Military's fault? Nope. Your husband's fault? Damn right it is. Blame him, not his job.

greywar

on Aug 25, 2005

I am sick and tired of the Navy owning him and since the own him they own me. I know its a steady paycheck. I know at the time he joined it was the best thing for our family but I think it sucks and I'm sick of it. I feel bad complaining because he is not over in Iraq carrying a gun but somehow that doesn't make my situation feel much better.

I just pasted this so that you know what I am taking exception to. You are not sick of the Navy owning him, you are sick of him being a total dick. Not even remotely the same thing.

Locamama

on Aug 25, 2005

I didn't blame the military. I just said that the separations make the hard work of making a marriage and life even harder. It is definately an added stress and strain on the marriage. If he had another sucky job, he could look for something better and give his two weeks notice. Not so here.

greywar

on Aug 25, 2005

If he had another sucky job, he could look for something better and give his two weeks notice.

This is true but would he? The situation you describe seems to suit him just fine. The job is not the problem. The man is.

Locamama

on Aug 25, 2005

Okay - I am sick of him being a total dick.

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