I think it's pretty cruel to ridicule her for expressing her frustrations.

I am a pretty cruel guy when people won't recognize the actual source of their problems. Is the military the problem here? No. The guy is. Period. They need to stop deluding themselves. Now.

I am a pretty cruel guy when people won't recognize the actual source of their problems. Is the military the problem here? No. The guy is. Period. They need to stop deluding themselves. Now.

That transcends the military.  And is right for all avenues of life.

greywar:

No really. I am a military spouse now and just because I am male doesn't make me less acquainted with the tribulations of the military.

The difference is not your sex, but the fact that you're not managing a houseful of children.

If he is a cheater it is because he is a cheater, not beccasue of his job. He cheats? Get rid of his ass now and not later.

I don't really feel comfortable talking about her family situation "behind her back," but I put it out there, so I suppose I should clarify.

Her husband has "straightened up" so to speak, and she chose to stay with him. Not all people choose leave an unfaithful spouse (and I think you of all people know this), particularly when there are children involved.

I also speak from experience when I say that the military lifestyle can prompt faithful, responsible people to do things that are out of character for them. My husband cheated. He is NOT a cheater. He made a bad decision in an atmosphere of rampant selfishness and loose morals. He was someone else for a while because of his situation. This doesn't mean that he is blameless. It just means that he had a weakness that was amplified by the atmosphere around him. And I think you know that this happens A LOT in the military.

I cheated as well. Should my husband get rid of my ass now? He's home right now, eating some scrambled eggs and toast and watching TV...let me know if he should, and I'll go tell him so he won't have to waste any more time with me.

Her husband has "straightened up" so to speak, and she chose to stay with him.

No he hasn't. Once a guy crosses that line he *never* comes back ever. He just gets better at hiding it. I don't know about girls but for guys? Cross that line and you cheat forever. Live in whatever delusion you like.

Life just sucks for all of us. Can we just die now?

I'm not quite ready to go yet. I'm masochistic, I actually like suffering. it's Buddhist thing, I think.

The blogger whose article has been "spoofed" here has had it extraordinarily rough.

So have half the military spouses on this base. We all got our crosses to bear. Some folks manage to drag themselves along and make things work, and others just give up and blame the military. No shame in doing so, you do whatever you have to do.....but sometimes it seems like some women don't take into consideration what their men do every day.

Is the military the problem here? No. The guy is. Period. They need to stop deluding themselves. Now.

Greywar has a very good point....

Once a guy crosses that line he *never* comes back ever. He just gets better at hiding it.

So you're saying it's a permanent thing? There's no going back, ever? No straightening up?

Interesting. Perhaps I should start paying more attention around here....then again, do I really want to know? Therin lies the rub.

So you're saying it's a permanent thing? There's no going back, ever? No straightening up?

It can happen but it is *very* rare... Once that moral rubicon is crossed it is not really a barrier anymore.

greywar:

No he hasn't. Once a guy crosses that line he *never* comes back ever. He just gets better at hiding it. I don't know about girls but for guys? Cross that line and you cheat forever. Live in whatever delusion you like.

Having researched and read a whole shitload about infidelity, I can tell you now with certainty that you are wrong.

Not all cheaters are serial cheaters. Only time will tell whether a man is a serial cheater, but for many men cheating is a gnawing regret that forever haunts them. It is not always a repeated behavior.

So have half the military spouses on this base. We all got our crosses to bear. Some folks manage to drag themselves along and make things work, and others just give up and blame the military.

I didn't see it as her blaming the military at all. She was just venting, just like you and I and others have done.

No shame in doing so, you do whatever you have to do.....but sometimes it seems like some women don't take into consideration what their men do every day.

This seems like an about face from a recent article of yours.

Greywar has a very good point....

It doesn't HAVE to be the military. It can be construction work, or a Dungeons and Dragons club, or whatever a man (or woman) is involved in that provides an atmosphere that makes infidelity and neglect of family seem like an attractive option. Not all groups and companies and organizations in the military have that type of atmosphere, but many do. Not all men in those situations give in to the peer pressure and debaucherous atmosphere, but many do. It's a flaw...a weakness...to be sure, but you cannot deny that our actions are influenced by the people and experiences around us.

Not all cheaters are serial cheaters.

True but for about 95% this is true. It doesn't matter what their job is.. cheaters are cheaters and women tend to be believers...

This seems like an about face from a recent article of yours.

The one where I said that his job wasn't giving him the opportunity to look after me like he was supposed to be doing? Like the military spent thousands of dollars flying him home early to do? I think that there were some slightly extenuating circumstances there, but yeah, I was bitching about the military.

Like the military spent thousands of dollars flying him home early to do?

That is something very few military spouses choose to recognize...

Oh, and just to be fair, I will say that I am pretty happy with my end of the deal. I've had to work my ass off in the past.

What's expected of me now is to keep the dishes done and make sure he has clean PTs. He doesn't ask for a lot. Everything else I do is considered "wow, thank you honey" material.

I do get bogged down with the stuff with the kids and managing the house and finances, but I view it as my job. We don't have problems with the money issues because I pay the bills (in full on paydays) and every few days I tell Adrian how much discretionary money we have. He doesn't usually spend much anyways, and the thing he spends the most on right now is the diamond ring he has on layaway for me. It's driving me crazy that he is spending so much of our available money on it, but I don't dare complain, haha.

I actually like the military lifestyle and think it suits our family pretty well. It's not perfect, but it's stable income and I'm able to stay home with the children. And Adrian's done very well at it. His job is challenging and interesting, and it's something he can be proud of. At this point, for me, it seems that the benefits outweigh the all the bad stuff.

But not all women have it as good as I do. It's not easy.

dharma:

I think that there were some slightly extenuating circumstances there, but yeah, I was bitching about the military.

I don't blame you for bitching. I don't think you were wrong for expressing your frustrations. I just wanted to point out that it's something that most of us do.

I don't blame you for bitching.

A bitching soldier is a happy soldier.

 

My point is that the spuse in question is blaming the military for things the military didn't do. The military doesn't hold a gun to your head and tell you to cheat, you do that on your own.

My point is that the spuse in question is blaming the military for things the military didn't do. The military doesn't hold a gun to your head and tell you to cheat, you do that on your own.

I've never seen her blame the military for that. And her most recent blog had nothing to do with infidelity, although I know that resentment from that can carry over into the rest of the relationship which is why I suggested counseling to her.

I am the one who is "blaming" the military for the atmosphere that holds the Soldier up as the most important person in the family and which encourages Soldiers to be base, immature, and unfaithful through the examples and interaction of their leaders.

In my husband's case, the majority of his company was cheating or getting divorced. The leadership was practicing sexual harassment as well as infidelity and encouraging the Soldiers to join in. They set the tone by joking and bragging about infidelity, both real and imagined. They encouraged the Soldiers to think only of themselves and their immediate desires.

In an environment where everyone, including the people who are responsible for you and who you are supposed to emulate are doing these things, it is easy for a person to go along with the crowd. A strong person might not give in, but all the affairs and divorces in my husband's company are the testament to how easy it was to just follow the leadership.

This doesn't take the responsibility away from the Soldier. It is ultimately his or her choice to make. However, the military has a long way to go in this area if they wish to continue promoting themselves as being supportive of families.

We pick up mannerisms and behaviors from those we are around most. When you have no choice but be around people who are doing the wrong thing, there's a good chance you're going to pick those bad mannerisms and behaviors up. It's basic psychology.

It's something I feel that the military needs to address.