JU Opinion Poll : Harder for Families or Soldiers?

I really want to know....

Published on December 30, 2004 By greywar In Personal Relationships

Xtine's commentary in this recent article has led me to consider the real effects of soldier deployment on familiies. Since I am personally only capable of elocuting the results of deployment on a soldier I thought I would put the question to the JU comuunity at large: Is it harder on the the family left behind or for the soldier who is deployed? Responses can take any form you like and I will even leave this one open to SPM's crowd in case they feel like adding something meaningful here. (a uniter not a divider?)

Comments (Page 1)

Dysmas

on Dec 30, 2004

A very good question greywar. From experience I was tempted, at first, to say. "it is equally hard on both soldier and family" but I thought about it for awhile. I think at the end of the day it is harder on the family because they know thier loved one is in harms way and has no idea about what is going on at any given moment. They live under a cloud of despair hoping that the military won't contact them to say thier husband, father, brother, mother, wife and so on, is dead.
While I was deployed I always was afraid of dying, but not for myself, but because of the impact it would have on my wife and children. thats my view.

greywar

on Dec 30, 2004

They live under a cloud of despair hoping that the military won't contact them to say thier husband, father, brother, mother, wife and so on, is dead.

a good point i just wonder what would really ahppen in these circumstances for me as well.... My daughter took the news of my deployment better than my ex-wife did.

oleteach

on Dec 30, 2004

As a mother, I can only say that I am proud of my son for volunteering to go to Iraq. After visiting with greywar and EL during Christmas, all I could detect from both of them was a marvelous desire to do their duty wherever it would take them. God be with all who are there to protect us from terrorists. Our heroes do not count the cost, they just do what they enlisted to do.

greywar

on Dec 30, 2004

all I could detect from both of them was a marvelous desire to do their duty wherever it would take them. God be with all who are there to protect us from terrorists. Our heroes do not count the cost, they just do what they enlisted to do.

I wish that was universal.

Dysmas

on Dec 30, 2004

. My daughter took the news of my deployment better than my ex-wife did.

I must say it was probably harder for you because your wife didn't handle it well and on the other side, easyer because your daughter.
Just goes to show you how different people react to the same type of news. No one in my family took it well, and to a degree neither did I. But a job needed to be done so off we went.
From one vet to another thanks for YOUR sacrafice.
If you have went or are going to Iraq check out the IWVO site. www.Iraqwarveterans.org it can help your family out.
thanks again.
CPL McNail

greywar

on Dec 30, 2004

CPL McNail

thats a hell of a military name!

Dysmas

on Dec 30, 2004

lol, What?

Dysmas

on Dec 30, 2004

ahhhhh, again Im such a slow guy.

greywar

on Dec 30, 2004

What?

Mc Nail ranks up there with SGT War, Blood, and Death!

dharmagrl

on Dec 30, 2004

I know that it's hard for those of us left behind. We're getting our info third and fourth hand about what's going on where our soldiers are at...we want to watch the news but at the same time are scared of what we might see and hear. We, if we have children, have to assume the role of both mom and dad and we are basically single parents whilst the other is deployed.

It's hard too for those who are doing the leaving. You all are put in harm's way, you have limited contact with your family...you are denied the comforts that most of us take for granted, like air conditioning, living in an actual structure instead of a tent, hot running water and latrines with doors on them....not to mention decent food and the opportunity to shop at a store other than the PX.

When all's said and done, I don't know that you can say who it's harder for. Each role has it's difficulties, but they're different kinds of difficulties.

I think that I'd like to have the opportunity to trade places with my husband on a deployment. I'd like to see what he has to endure, and I'd like for him to do what I have to do for a week or so. I think it'd be a real eye-opener for both of us.

Dysmas

on Dec 30, 2004

dharmagrl I really do understand where you are coming from. But if I doubt that anyone in a war zone would willing "trade places" with a loved one so they could see what it was like. Actually I feel that I had it much better than my wife while I was deployed. I was in Iraq and I had a job to do, no other worries that I could deal with at the time.
My wife, however, was stuck home with two children a four year old and a newborn. She had to wake up with our infant, handle our toddler all the while keeping track of the bills, preparing dinner, and going out to run errands.
She was burdened with all of these things and much more. Some people call us "heros" ( how I hate that) but I feel that if there were a "hero" in my family it would absolutly be my wife. I dealt with war and seperation. She dealt with war, the unknown, seperation, children, bills, errands and so on. Thats why I feel it was harder for her becuase I feel that I would be sucking if I were the one left home alone.

dharmagrl

on Dec 30, 2004

Actually I feel that I had it much better than my wife while I was deployed

That's what my husband said the first time he went to the desert. We were married less than 3 years, had 2 toddlers and another on the way, were broke, at a new base so we didn't really know anyone....it sucked, to be blunt.

I was trying to be diplomatic when I said that I can see it from both sides....the military wife in me wants to say that of course we have it harder! We have to look after the house, the kids, the bills, the car, the yard and on and on and on.....all y'all have to do it look after yourselves!

Dysmas

on Dec 30, 2004

yeah.....thats all.........

SSG Geezer

on Dec 30, 2004

The Family has it harder, whether deployed to a combat zone or just an unaccompanied tour of Korea or greenland. No doubt in my mind.

dharmagrl

on Dec 30, 2004

yeah.....thats all.........

You know what I meant....

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