The Word from the Geekside
JU Opinion Poll : Harder for Families or Soldiers?
I really want to know....
Published on December 30, 2004 By greywar In Personal Relationships
     Xtine's commentary in this recent article has led me to consider the real effects of soldier deployment on familiies. Since I am personally only capable of elocuting the results of deployment on a soldier I thought I would put the question to the JU comuunity at large: Is it harder on the the family left behind or for the soldier who is deployed? Responses can take any form you like and I will even leave this one open to SPM's crowd in case they feel like adding something meaningful here. (a uniter not a divider?) Site Meter
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Comments (Page 2)
2 Pages1 2 
16
xtine
on Dec 31, 2004
It destroys families. The military is not compatible with family.
17
oleteach
on Dec 31, 2004
In my opinion, it does not have to destroy families. Like facing any other circumstance in our lives, it is all in our attitude. [/B
We can choose to let it build up or destroy. Circumstances can make us stronger, more united, more giving than ever before. When we let our circumstances control our lives, we can just get all emotional, irrational, and self-centered. We can choose any number of responses: poutiness, self-pity, bitterness, hatred, revenge, hostility, sourness, anger or we can love, give, appreciate, praise, thank, welcome, encourage, promote, bolster, defend, support, understand, forget our selves and reach out to others. Every circumstance that ever crosses our daily lives can make or break our families, our community, our country, our world. We are here to make a better world by our positive reactions to all the circumstances of our lives.
18
xtine
on Dec 31, 2004
I suppose I should have qualified my statement as my opinion. I do so now.

I stand by it.

Oh, and oleteach? Some of us just aren't as strong as you. Maybe someday you'll take that into account?
19
ParaTed2k
on Dec 31, 2004
When I returned from Desert Storm or disaster relief deployments, my wife and I would talk about things we went through during that time. The reaction from both of us was usually the same....

"I don't know how I would have handled things, being in your shoes."

In other words, we both recognized that the other had been through situations that were both trying and rewarding in their own ways.

As far as I'm concerned, the family is just as much in the military as the servicemember. The responsibilities are different, but the support and effort of the family is as important to the servicemember's well-being and success as his or her ability to soldier. I've never seen any stats on this, but it is my experience that lack of support from spouse and other family members seems to be one of the biggest reasons why a good troop starts getting into trouble or does not re-enlist.

When I was in the National Guard, I got pretty good at figuring out who would re-enlist and who wouldn't. Mostly by talking to the troop's wife.
20
ParaTed2k
on Dec 31, 2004
It destroys families. The military is not compatible with family.


That completely depends on the family.
21
pseudosoldier
on Jan 01, 2005
It does depend on the family, but I have personally found that it's difficult no matter how strong your familial unit.
I can't say who it's harder for. I haven't deployed, I've only had one duty station, I've rarely been on TDY (but more than some, I suppose). I do know that the Army acknowledges the hardships that come from separation:Link
22
oleteach
on Jan 01, 2005
Maybe the Hobbit in The Return of the King has part of the answer when he says something like "I am miserable to be part of battle but it is much worse to be on the fringe watching."
23
dharmagrl
on Jan 03, 2005

It destroys families. The military is not compatible with family.


That completely depends on the family.
Bonus Rating: Trolling Insightful

Absolutely.  I've seen families divided and conquered by a mere 120 TDY......and I've seen others weather horrific 2 and 3 year long separations where everything that could go wrong did go wrong....THEY conquered the separation, not the other way around.

It's not necessarily about being strong, either.  I dunno what it is....I'm not the strongest person in the world, and we're doing okay (finally).  I think it has more to do with tenacity than strength....but that's just me.

24
LadyCleve
on Jan 04, 2005
I think it has more to do with tenacity than strength


I agree with you on that one, dharma. The main reason that mine & SPC Nbs marriage has worked is that from day one, he refused to give up. Even when I felt like I couldn't go on, he pushed and pushed, and reminded me that he would never, ever, give up on me or our relationship.
25
Moderateman
on Jan 04, 2005
Reply #14 By: SSG Geezer - 12/30/2004 10:32:42 PM
The Family has it harder, whether deployed to a combat zone or just an unaccompanied tour of Korea or greenland. No doubt in my mind.


I think its equally difficult for all... those deployed in a freefire zone and those left behind worrying. God bless our brave troops and there families for this TREMENDOUS hardship they are enduring.
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