Naw.... But it's funny
Published on November 4, 2004 By greywar In Humor

      With the recent discovery of "hobbitz" in New Zealand Peter Jackson simply can't be stopped!

Fanboys rejoice with the first leaks from LOTR IV! (from pointlesswasteoftime.com)

Excerpt from a stolen script:


 

VOICEOVER
And in the land of the Hobbits
a new era has also come to pass.
The legendary Bilbo Baggins, having spent
a decade in the Grey Havens,
finally succumbed to a mortal
case of Hobbit Rot.

Open on a banner, spread across a massive celebration. This is the FUNERAL OF BILBO BAGGINS.

VOICEOVER
The world has moved on.

We see an older and wiser SAMWISE GAMGEE, now the SHERIFF OF HOBBITON, making the rounds of party goers.

MERRY and PIPPEN arrive, on an elaborate STAGE COACH being driven by six URUK-HAI in loincloths.

We do not see FRODO. Also noticably absent, is GANDALF.

The URN containing the pink, jellied remains of BILBO is prayed to and then drank by his heirs through straws.

SAM and MERRY talk, SAM asking where GANDALF has been. MERRY says GANDALF had taken up residence at the tower of Isengard and that he hadn't been seen in weeks. SHERIFF SAM says he will go check it out, even though he is just one day away from retirement.

SAM rides an URUK rickshaw to the gates of Isengard, then takes a canoe to the door. There he hears the buzzing of flies from inside. He goes in, and finds GANDALF has been the victim of a RITUATLISTIC MURDER. He was magically spun until his body was impaled upon his own staff.

SAM vomits in horror.

SAM rides out and lights the TWIG BEACON OF GONDOR, using ORC WINE to color the flames green, which the other nations of Man Land know means GANDALF has been impaled on his own staff.

First to arrive is ARAGORN, now a Senator of Gondor. With him comes LEGOLAS, now the Gondorian Queen.

They gather, and MERRY and PIPPIN tell them of the scourge of Pipe Rock that ravages the land. The group interviews Gandalf's neighbors, who say they saw a man in white leave Isengard the previous week, loudly discussing to himself how happy he was that he had killed Gandalf. They noted the man was covered in blood and that the stench of death lingered over Gandalf's home for days after.

Credit Pointlesswasteoftime.com

 


Comments (Page 1)
2 Pages1 2 
on Nov 04, 2004
Nah, it'll never work. They already did exactly this on CSI...
on Nov 04, 2004
Hmmm I knew I could count on you to defend pipe-rock and staff polishing
on Nov 04, 2004
Hmmm I knew I could count on you to defend pipe-rock and staff polishing


I didn't say it was a good episode...
on Nov 04, 2004

I didn't say it was a good episode...

You seem to have paid close attention...

on Nov 04, 2004
I didn't say it was a good episode...

You seem to have paid close attention...


I hang on every word you post... blah.
on Nov 04, 2004

I hang on every word you post... blah.

Stems from your long time addiction to deez!

on Nov 04, 2004
Stems from your long time addiction to deez!


BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
on Nov 04, 2004
"Mr. Frodo?" says the new girl, looking away from the screen where the message from greywar is displayed prominently in order to eye pseudosoldier suspiciously.
"It's a quote," scowls pseudosoldier. Turning to face down the hallway, he adds, yelling, "From a gay porn, I think!"
on Nov 04, 2004
I wondered if she saw that. Entrapment I say!
on Nov 04, 2004
She also saw the followup message, but I can't recall what you wrote. Probably something homoerotic. It got pretty gay back there. [/and by back there I mean]
on Nov 04, 2004

[/and by back there I mean]

in your van....

on Nov 05, 2004

LEGOLAS, now the Gondorian Queen.

on Nov 06, 2004
[/and by back there I mean]in your van....


obv it's Hot Chow.
on Nov 06, 2004
Hot Chow!
on Nov 06, 2004
Hot Chow!
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