Naw.... But it's funny
Published on November 4, 2004 By greywar In Humor

      With the recent discovery of "hobbitz" in New Zealand Peter Jackson simply can't be stopped!

Fanboys rejoice with the first leaks from LOTR IV! (from pointlesswasteoftime.com)

Excerpt from a stolen script:


 

VOICEOVER
And in the land of the Hobbits
a new era has also come to pass.
The legendary Bilbo Baggins, having spent
a decade in the Grey Havens,
finally succumbed to a mortal
case of Hobbit Rot.

Open on a banner, spread across a massive celebration. This is the FUNERAL OF BILBO BAGGINS.

VOICEOVER
The world has moved on.

We see an older and wiser SAMWISE GAMGEE, now the SHERIFF OF HOBBITON, making the rounds of party goers.

MERRY and PIPPEN arrive, on an elaborate STAGE COACH being driven by six URUK-HAI in loincloths.

We do not see FRODO. Also noticably absent, is GANDALF.

The URN containing the pink, jellied remains of BILBO is prayed to and then drank by his heirs through straws.

SAM and MERRY talk, SAM asking where GANDALF has been. MERRY says GANDALF had taken up residence at the tower of Isengard and that he hadn't been seen in weeks. SHERIFF SAM says he will go check it out, even though he is just one day away from retirement.

SAM rides an URUK rickshaw to the gates of Isengard, then takes a canoe to the door. There he hears the buzzing of flies from inside. He goes in, and finds GANDALF has been the victim of a RITUATLISTIC MURDER. He was magically spun until his body was impaled upon his own staff.

SAM vomits in horror.

SAM rides out and lights the TWIG BEACON OF GONDOR, using ORC WINE to color the flames green, which the other nations of Man Land know means GANDALF has been impaled on his own staff.

First to arrive is ARAGORN, now a Senator of Gondor. With him comes LEGOLAS, now the Gondorian Queen.

They gather, and MERRY and PIPPIN tell them of the scourge of Pipe Rock that ravages the land. The group interviews Gandalf's neighbors, who say they saw a man in white leave Isengard the previous week, loudly discussing to himself how happy he was that he had killed Gandalf. They noted the man was covered in blood and that the stench of death lingered over Gandalf's home for days after.

Credit Pointlesswasteoftime.com

 


Comments (Page 2)
2 Pages1 2 
on Nov 06, 2004
Points whores. You guys know I can't resist Hot Chow! [/hot chow]
2 Pages1 2