Thank the Moral Majority for the Craptastic Half Time Show

Snore

Published on February 7, 2005 By greywar In Current Events

Note : (While attempting to get this to post, ForeverSerenity also posted her thoughts here.)

Over here the Super Bowl is a pretty big deal (us being a bit starved for entertainment) so nearly everyone gathered around the various TV screens in offices and MWR tents across our little post to watch the Eagles waste a lot of opportunities against the Pats. I watched alongside SFC Calangelo and a group of his stormtroopers/kool-aid slupring cultists and had a high old time except for one thing. The halftime show was pathetic.

Groans of bored agony came from every office as we sat and watched one guy (yes I am aware of his identity and former musical relevance) stand in the middle of the field and strum a guitar/play a piano. Snoozefest. Of course the folks on the field were jumping around like crazy but they would have done that if the halftime show consisted of Little Orphan Annie slow-roasting a live meth addicted Chihuahua dangling from the end of a rope made entirely from the braided camel scrotums. Don't beleive me? Watch any number of jackasses covorting in identical fashion behind the set of every morning news show. The prosecution rests. Rests just like the folks in the darkened stand did, sitting on their hands like the WWF crowd during a Billy Gunn/Test match.

Thanks to the Puritan revolt last year over the horror of being exposed to 2 milliseconds of Janet Jackson's floppy milk jug we got a Superbowl experience that would have struck Edwin Meese as "staid". Even the course of the Fox broadcast was so sanitized it was painful. We saw about 4 shots of cheerleaders of which only one was more than a neck-up shot and through the course of that one exception the cheeleaders scrupulously covered every inch of themselves with their pom-poms as through bare skin would attract a swarm of killer bees.

This Superbowl was already sans ads (thanks AFN), sadly lacking in beer (thanks political correctness and the general pussification of the military, and now was also minus a musical act more than one year away from beocming a wax museum exhibit.

You just heard the first toll of the bell that will signal the death knell of broadcast TV as the dominant medium.

Comments (Page 1)

TaBoo Tenente

on Feb 07, 2005

im surprised that no-one has commented here.

i give you five stars on your bluntness, and may the world's deities have mercy on everyone else's soul.

tbt

chiprj

on Feb 07, 2005

I knew ahead of time that the half time show was going to suck (no disrespect meant to Paul, but he's just not headline, solo material for the Superbowl), so I logged on to WoW (no, really, I know it's hard to believe) and turned the sound down on the TV so I could hear the music, but it wasn't distracting. The pre-game music show was much better. They had Charlie Daniels, the Black Eyed Peas, and Earth, Wind and Fire all together at one point. That was pretty fun.

sitting on their hands like the WWF crowd during a Billy Gunn/Test match.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Those two couldn't generate crowd heat if you set them on fire...

Gideon MacLeish

on Feb 07, 2005

As opposed to all those great halftime shows of years gone by?!?

But seriously, sorry about the beer and the commercials (I didn't get to see them either, since I had to listen to it on radio).

kingbee

on Feb 07, 2005

the good news is--and yes, even in this dark hour, there is good news for some--no vacuum ever exists in a free market society. even before i found out about it, the producer of such entreprenuerial entertainment epics as 'good girls gone wild' and 'good girls keep going wild' parts 1 thru ad nauseum had already stepped in to fill the gap by putting together something involving chicks who coulda prolly been cheerleaders engaging in healthy competition featuring--among other things--a tequila slide. following the contest, losers were sent to the showers and the winners were treated to massages. admittedly no beer commercials but...hey tequila aint a bad 2nd choice. the review i read quoted one of the constestants as saying something along the lines of 'oh i get it now...one way or another our boobs are gonna pop out'

the 'girls gone wild halftime show' (or whatever the fuck it was called) was available to viewers able to access indemand services (i'm guessing from what you said about the lack of beer commercials with or without swedish bikini girls that may exclude our fighting forces in iraq--altho as an enthusiastic fan of the sgt bilko tradition, it doesnt seem unreasonable to imagine there are technicians and strategists among you capable of 'recruiting' wayward satellite signals.)

furthermore, this wasnt the paltry 30-minute halftime show but a full hour including pre- and post- halftime analysis n shit.

i wish i could provide a more detailed report, but by the time i learned of it, it was already over dammit.

Myrrander

on Feb 07, 2005

eh, super bowl sucks anyway...I drank some beer, had sex with my wife, and then went to bed

much more enjoyable than watching football, I must say

ParaTed2k

on Feb 07, 2005

The saddest part of the whole thing is, those who created the half time show (as well as those who directed the rest of the Super Bore couldn't make it fun and exciting without skin.

I've always said that sex is the ploy for advertisers, writers, and entertainers with no imagination and this Super Bowl can be used as a great example to back my point.

Instead of looking for new acts to book, they go back to a guy who was a has been when I was in high school. Where was Linkin' Park, Evanescence, 3 Doors down or even Avril Lavigne (although her trademark butt cleavage may have to be "MTV'd" with red panties again). Each of these could be part of a half time show that doesn't make people change the channel.

You may not like either of these acts, but you gotta admit that each of them could headline a show much better than what was seen yesterday. Heck, I'm 41 years old and I know these bands, what excuse does the people who put this yawner of a show together have?

Dr Guy

on Feb 07, 2005

Sorry GreyWar, but I missed it as well. I knew it would be the has been singer, and since I dont care for him, I tookmy shower.

But then last year I did the same thing and missed nipple gate, so I never got to see what the outrage was all about!

Daiwa

on Feb 07, 2005

Great post, greywar. You nailed it. As for the commercials, you didn't miss much.

Cheers,
Daiwa

Myrrander

on Feb 07, 2005

3 Doors Down?

ahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha

chiprj

on Feb 07, 2005

As opposed to all those great halftime shows of years gone by?!?

I thought the halftime show with U2 a couple years back was fantastic. I also enjoyed Gwen Stefani and Sting from the same year? Maybe the year after. Even Leann Womack was better than what went on yesterday. I'm no fan of Janet or Justin, but they were more entertaining for a large football crowd (with or without boob) than Paul was.

greywar

on Feb 07, 2005

Honestly it could have been dog and cat follies and still been better than Paul trotting out some old Beatles tunes and a couple of covers.

ParaTed2k

on Feb 07, 2005

3 Doors Down?

ahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha

As I said, "You may not like either of these acts, but you gotta admit that each of them could headline a show much better than what was seen yesterday." But thnx for the type of retort I've come to expect from you Myrrander! ;~D

I thought the halftime show with U2 a couple years back was fantastic. I also enjoyed Gwen Stefani and Sting from the same year?

U2 and Gwen Stefani have both recently released some of their best material to date. They would be great ideas for acts in a half-time show.

The problem is, those who put together the show did not just show their lack of knowledge of today's acts, they showed their utter incompetence at putting together a show at all. Could it be that they've relied on the boring mantra of "sex sells" for too long, and have nothing else to work with? Pathetic!!!

Dr Guy

on Feb 07, 2005

U2 and Gwen Stefani have both recently released some of their best material to date. They would be great ideas for acts in a half-time show.

I heard someone say they should have had Paul, Ringo, Julian and George's son do a reprise of some of the Beatle's hits. NOw that would have been something worth seeing! At least for everyone over 40.

Gideon MacLeish

on Feb 07, 2005

Look at it this way: if Paul had had a "wardrobe malfunction" involving his upper half, nobody woulda complained.

pseudosoldier

on Feb 07, 2005

pseudosoldier marks for WWF "new old school" reference

Those two couldn't generate crowd heat if you set them on fire...

Me and JR beg to disagree... I'm certain one of them would've been a "house afire."

The only reason I'm sad I missed it was for the Visa commercial I heard about that may or may not have aired... I hear they got a contract with Marvel for some ad spots.

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