First Sergeant Needs More Crack

If it ain't broke... just stare like a jackass.....

Published on July 20, 2004 By greywar In Humor

All this weekend (a long one for our platoon) I had exactly nothing I wished to post about. Just couldn¡¯t muster a strong enough emotion to write about. I knew I could count on work to provide me with something but I just didn¡¯t count on it being as early as 0630!

Some of you out there know that our current First Sergeant (SFC Manatee) is not exactly the model of a modern major-general. Perpetually incompetent at virtually any task, always looks like 10 pounds of chewed bubble gum stuffed into a 5 pound bag, and to top it off she continuously wears her beret like a chefs hat. Couple this with a well intentioned lady and you have our First Sergeant.

Last week she took our Fat Camp Instructor SPC Ecstatic to task because he didn¡¯t go through a rather pointless series of movement commands to march our small group from the company assembly area to our actual work out field. Instead he just fell us out and told us where to re-form. Of course she publicly lambasted him for this despite the fact that she routinely fucks up the simplest of D&C commands. I chalked this up to another in her long string of inconsistencies.

This morning however I had to exert all of my willpower to keep in the laughter as I saw the totally bewildered expression on her face as it dawned on her that out entire Electronic Maintenance Platoon had not shown up for work! The fact that they didn¡¯t even have enough regard for her to tell this was to be the case is funny all alone but that she didn¡¯t notice until after the morning report was delivered was the straw that threatened to break to back of my military bearing camel. I can¡¯t wait for the rest of today.

P.S. To SSG Smiley, If you are in a unit that is deployed please never lead into a conversation with ¡°We lost a contractor¡¦¡± when you really mean, ¡°A contractor got fired.¡± Damn near had a heart attack until you explained.

Comments (Page 1)

Talisein

on Jul 20, 2004

Hahaha. "Manatee." If you want to make your day do a Google Image search for Manatee.

Is SPC Ecstatic SPC Blue Eyes?

Anyways, thanks for update on our rear.

greywar

on Jul 20, 2004

Is SPC Ecstatic SPC Blue Eyes

Nope, but as a hint I also debated calling him SPC Gipper.

dharmagrl

on Jul 20, 2004

looks like 10 pounds of chewed bubble gum stuffed into a 5 pound bag, and to top it off she continuously wears her beret like a chefs hat

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!! I know a bunch of folks who look like that!!! Brilliant!!

chiprj

on Jul 20, 2004

and to top it off she continuously wears her beret like a chefs hat

The Army just gave berets to all the soldiers here so I get to walk around DLI constantly trying to fix all the "frenchies" we have here. The whole time, I have to hope that mine is sitting correctly on my head. The best is B Co. They get to wear berets but are not allowed to wear the batallion crest, so they have a beret with an empty blue flash. They also wear the reverse field flag patch, but no unit patch. B Co is part of the BN, they just don't get to wear the BN devices until they graduate to their language company. It looks like ass.

Estrogen Lass

on Jul 20, 2004

This is totally off topic, and I am going to put it on my blog thingy too, but if any of you get the chance, go to www.jibjab.com and click on the "this land" link. Very funny. I havent seen all of the video yet (cause my computer fucking sucks) but I heard it on the radio and it is really funny. I can only imagine that it is 100 times better with the animation. By the way...hi everybody.

dharmagrl

on Jul 20, 2004

Do you all 'form' your berets?

Dave cuts the liner out of his, then takes a shower with it on his noodle to get it soaking wet...then he shapes it on his bean to the way he wants it to be, then freezes it until it's solid so that it retains the shape.

It's a very time consuming, complicated ritual that I have come to detest. And I don't even wear the damn thing.

pseudosoldier

on Jul 20, 2004

Yeah, there's some "forming" of the berets here, as initially instructed by SFC Calangelo (at least for our little group).

No liner, and we usually go with the "shave and burn" method. *Then* we wet it down and wear it around the house (or wherever). Smells like a wet, burnt dog. Usually shape mine outside because of that.
I'm fairly certain that some soldiers don't even shape theirs (and others complain that shaping it causes it to hang too low on the ear, at least with the Canadian made model).

greywar

on Jul 21, 2004

at least with the Canadian made model).

I can actually cover most of my ear with my Canuck-made beret.

chiprj

on Jul 21, 2004

I can actually cover most of my ear with my Canuck-made beret.

With your grape, I could probably cover most of my Kia with your Canuck-made beret...

Different Hanja

on Jul 21, 2004

Sooooooo glad I got out before those damned things.... ever so useful in the rain!

pseudosoldier

on Jul 21, 2004

Or the sun. Or the heat. They're a wonder in the Motor Pool, I'll tell you.

chiprj

on Jul 21, 2004

Nothing like a hot, muggy day with a big, black wool sock on your head...

We did a brigade change of command in berets in Korea in July shortly after we got them... It was hot and rainy all day during the dress rehearsal... officers and CSM were in rain jackets and the like, troops were in the uniforms they planned to wear (many were up from the Hump and had to stay overnight)... we did three pass and review practices through a mud puddle that just got bigger, deeper, and messier as the day went on...

dharmagrl

on Jul 21, 2004

others complain that shaping it causes it to hang too low on the ear,

He said that he was having issues with that the other day. I forgot about the shaving process so you don't get little wooly pills all over it....and the smell. Yeah, that's nice.

pseudosoldier

on Jul 21, 2004

There's really little you can do if you shape it too much (stretch it past your ear). You can try and leave it in the heat for it to shrink up (usually wetting it first), but that can shrink it in ways you didn't want to.

The smell... wet, burnt sheep dog, I tell you.

dharmagrl

on Jul 21, 2004

The smell... wet, burnt sheep dog, I tell you

I've never smelled wet, burnt dog before, so I'll have to take your word for it...but it does have a distinctive offensive odor.

Do you wear the metal 'badge' on your berets, or do you have the patch sewn onto them? Air Force cops have the patch...which gets pretty dirty pretty quick.

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