The Collapse of Reason

     Riding high on a building wave of confidence we left the room to await the opening of the Board proceedings. I knew I would not have to hang on the tenterhooks of anticipation for long as my soldier was number 2 on the list. The only soldier before us was one SPC Thicke. SPC Thicke is a pretty good soldier and I was fairly certain she would acquit herself well even though I had not had the opportunity to work directly with her.

     We waited for a very long time after Thicke entrance to the board. There had been an assumption that each soldier would receive roughly 15 or 20 minutes of the Boards attention due to the large number of candidates up for review that day.

     After 30 minutes had passed I could tell that some of the soldiers were growing nervous. No one looks forward to a half an hour or more of close scrutiny after all. Our group continued to wonder aloud about what could possibly be taking so long until at minute 40 SPC Thicke came out of the door. Karmic clouds were following close behind.

     She held her composure just long enough for the door to close behind her and then immediately burst into tears. She was trying to stifle it but every soldier waiting to go in saw it. She was convinced she had done terribly and had a bit of a breakdown when she came out. As her leader tried to calm her I turned and looked at SPC Cannabis and the Pokekorean. Even as I watched I could see their confidence drain. There was little time for any pep talk or strategy of that sort as I had to immediately precede SPC Cannabis inside the Board room.

     I took my seat and told the answered the few cursory questions asked of me by the Board. There was a knock on the door and SPC Cannabis was called to report. She sat down and first had to field questions from SFC Vince Calangelo.

     I won't go into excruciating detail here but suffice to say that it became immediately apparent that her confidence had been shattered by SPC Thicke’s public breakdown. Her flight or fight reflexes were struggling for control during the entire interrogation. There were question asked that I guarantee she had known the answers to mere minutes before standing outside. Alas, her brain had decided that the only thing it wanted at the moment was *OUT*. Her responses become less and less coherent as the board progressed and SFC V and CSM Mendacious increasingly shot me looks askance. SPC Cannabis to her credit managed to maintain her outward composure and never gave up trying to regain control of her responses. She was even able to sing a very steady rendition of the Army song at the very last when asked to do so by CSM M.

     At the end of the session she was dismissed and I was left to answer some very pointed questions about her level of preparation. When I say I "answered" questions, what I really mean is CSM M fired off questions at me, refused to allow any answers to come forth, and then verbally castigated me, my platoon, and our questionable collective matrilineal genetic heritages.

     Relieved to at least have struggled through the board I went outside and consoled SPC Cannabis who was a bit shaken but at least managed to not crack in front of the soldier who had yet to appear before the board. (this speaks highly of her resolve in my opinion)

     The day simply went down hill from there. The CSM was now loaded for bear and he came a huntin’. The very next soldier was ejected from the board in record time and his sponsor was subjected to an even more fierce ass-chewing than I was.

     Our only shining moment was when SGT Negrodamus’s wunderkind SPC Lovechild appeared before the board. This guy is one of those annoying fuckers who is good at *everything*. He is intelligent, hard working, a physical stud, personable, and to top it all off he looks just like the CSM himself! (hence the Lovechild pseudonym) He shined like a diamond under the pressure and left SGT Negrodamus (who ordinarily has no luck in these sorts of things) smelling like the proverbial rose to our not so proverbial shitheaps. The kid did so well that the Board made him formally thank SGT Negrodamus for so thoroughly preparing him for the promotion board! (Must….. control….. fist of death….)

     Our platoon was not through the pain just yet though. Much later in the day as our final soldier SPC Anglophile was attending the board I decided to check back and see how it was going for him. Big mistake as I still hadn’t figured out that the Bad Karma Cloud™ was largely centered on my physical location that day.

     As I walked towards the building I saw SPC A walk out of the board at a very brisk pace looking upset. Approximately 3 seconds later SFC Calangelo came flying out of the same door with that odd stalk-sprint that only he can manage. I overheard the following exchange :

C : "Stop right there! What the fuck was that?"

A : "What do you mean sergeant?

C: "You know what I fucking mean! You think you can just slam the fucking door on your way out because you are pissed off?"

A: "Sergeant I did not slam the door."

C: "Yes you did! You trying to tell the CSM something with that? Trying to express some sort of fucking emotion about the board? Why don’t you march your ass back in there and tell the CSM what you think of him to his face? You got the balls to do that?

A: "Sergeant, I was not trying to tell him anything…"

     This went on for a bit more as I finally decided to clear the area and cut our losses. I won’t recount in detail all of the fallout from this day but it was extensive. In the end it had been made abundantly clear that our platoon was trying to do too many things with too few folks in all the wrong places at all the wrong times. If there is any good that comes out of this debacle I hope it is that lesson.