Marital Communication

Couples who can't talk to each other

Published on April 12, 2004 By greywar In Home & Family

Although my readers may not agree, I personally find that I am much more eloquent as a writer than as a speaker. This becomes painfully obvious when I speak to someone on the phone. Once I am deprived of the time to think out my statements beforehand I become a taciturn twit (the vocab is in homage to Dan K.). When you couple this with the removal of body language and other non-verbal cues I would normally receive in a face to face conversation I become positively autistic! This of course drives my wife, (who I love dearly and am eternally grateful for), absolutely batshit. She hides it well, but my phone conversations must be like talking to a brick wall for her.

I wonder if this is gender-based? While there are certainly men out there who can gab for hours on the phone and women who are socially awkward in the same situations, these people are the exception and not the rule (wow my first blog stereotype... Mom would be so proud) Women seem to naturally gravitate towards remote communication avenues. Everything from snail mail, cell phones, online chat, to holiday cards are meat for the female communications buffet table. Men on the other hand react to remote communications like a Brahmin to a leper. Our phone conversations with our closest friends could most often be quantified in seconds of duration. We dont even like to email!

Oddly the blogosphere is an exception here. Blogging seems to be dominated by men. I have found in the very short amount of time I have spent setting this blog up that I feel none of the almost instinctual aversion to communications I have struggled with in other mediums. Maybe I have found my mantra after all?

Blog...ohm...Blog...ohm...Blog...ohm...

Greywar

P.S. I guess I have to let my wife and family know about the blog. I think they might be miffed that I prefer this method of staying "in touch". Nonetheless I love them. (P.S. stands fo pretty sappy in this case i suppose... uggh)

Comments (Page 2)

pseudosoldier

on Apr 13, 2004

Uncomfortable around strong women? Me?
*cough*
Well, to put my comments to Greywar into more polite terms: it does seem that the estrogen is a bit thick in here. Of the people who have responded to this article, you've got me (after prompting twice), your SO, and three women. Now, honestly, this may back up some of the points you made in your article (importance/ease of communication by gender). Regardless, there it is.

Sherye Hanson

on Apr 14, 2004

Communication is something that women are interested in. I think that a lot of people hate the telephone and others love it. I like to talk to female friends on the telephone but there aren't many men who can talk comfortably on the phone. That being said, my daughters' hate to speak on the phone. Although I miss non verbal clues, tone of voice and other cues come through, so I find that I can learn a lot about a stranger through the telephone.

Communication not only conveys ideas and information but feelings. I think men often use their physical presence as a way of communicating their toughness. The telephone takes away that physical size difference and so only gruffness can convey toughness. Anyway, letters and e-mail, and telephone calls beat not being able to communicate when you are apart.

KarmaGirl

on Apr 14, 2004

I've never liked talking on the phone much. I rather go do something than talk on the phone. My husband used to be in the "merchant marines" (which is really a funny phrase because people think that it is part of the armed forces, where as the only connection at all is that they are governed by the Coasties). But, when he was sailing, we had a hard time. This was before cell phones, and he was out on a freighter. Instant chat wasn't around yet. We had phone booth phones and letters. Talking to him on the phone is like talking to a brick wall. Luckily, he decided to get a job on land, so we don't have to worry about the distance anymore. A couple that consists of two people who don't like to talk on the phone have a bit of a communication gap in a distance relationship

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