(No apologies for the delay this time, you will just have to take my word for it that I had other things to do.)

     Following my odd bonding session with SSG Calngelo over a hot cup of urine and topped off with a heaping helipn of stress and sleep deprivation, I attempted to throw myself into the yoke as company training NCO. I too over from SGT Moroni who had left the place in a shambles. My office looked as though it had been subject to a Russian treasure search in post-nazi germany. Papers were stuffed anywhere there was a spot for them at them time, cabinets, between books, under the desk, in random drawers, you name it..... In his quest to spend no time in the training room ever SGT Moroni had done irrepairable damage to over a years worth of training. Or so I thought. 1SG Gregarious had some important lessons regarding the Dark Side of the Force to teach me.

     Now I was no innocent regarding the ways of the world by this point. I had previously engaged in minor acts of subterfuge, forgery, and outright administrative lies at more than one or two points in my career already. In short I was a Sith apprentice looking for a Master. 1SG Gregarious had obviously deduced my capacity for moral flexibilty from my exploits in his company and had sought me ought for further instruction. Under his tutelage I discovered the wonders of mass production forgeries in the hours after all others had left the building. Together we "reconstructed" full rosters of classes conducted in the past, qualification scores for rifle ranges attended by "100%" of the company, and APFT scores for those folks he felt did not need to be bothered with the necessity of taking a PT test at the moment. In short we made up fo SGT Moroni's lost time.

     During this time I learned a great many thin about the Army of which I was previously ignorant. I attended BN level training meetings to discover how the Battalion Commander (BC) made her decisions, I prepared the agendas for our own company level trainign meeting to assist the Company Commander (CO) to do the same, I handled the scheduling for everything from schools to PT tests, and most of all I learned when it was important to stick to the letter of the law and when to just "fudge a little".

     As always the things that sticks out in my memory of this time are the "soldiers" I was in charge of. In particular one PVT Airhead. She was one of those *special* soldiers that makes you rethink your choice of careers. Supposedly she was trained as Communication and Radio Specialist but I never saw any evidence of this. Mainly her function in life seemed to be playing the little known and underappreciated game of "Sleeping With Other Peoples Boyfriends or Anything With a Pulse For That Matter" (perhaps the reason this game is underappreciated has to due with it's ridiculously long title?) In any case this girl had few friends, many enemies, an dnumerous behavioural problems. She couldn't seem to make it work on time, (despite the fact that she lived in the barracks which is located roughly 400 yards from her workplace), once she finally arrived at work she was a Sick Call Ranger, and in the rare instances when she was actually back from sickcall to do work she would fuck that up too.

     I recommended this soldier for Article 15 punishment 3 times and recommended that she be thrown out of the Army twice. None of these recommendations did a thing of course because our CO at the time was a complete git. Despite all of this I held her in no particualr emnity. One of the things an NCO learns to do is to hold soldiers responsible for their action professionally while maintaining personal detachment. In short, I did not hate her.

     Unfortunately a few of the female soldiers in Mission Operations Platoon (MOPS) seemd to think that I did in fact hate her. One of these, a PFC Slattern took it upon herself to tell me in private that she had incriminating photos of PVT Airhead engaging in lesbian activities. (for those who don't know.... practicing homosexuals are not allowed to serve in the US Army) I thanked PFC Slattern for her concern over the matter and dismissed her without telling her much of anything. I had zero intention of turning in PVT Airhead for this offense as I never felt that sexual preference should matter in this regad. Additionally I had just been dating a man-hating lesbian named SPC Strappy (there would be a link here to explain this but I have not written that bit yet) for a few months and had zero sympathy for homophobes or other agents of hate. I of course could not tell PFC Slattern any of this as she would be able to turn it against me. Instead I recruited one of her close friends and then roommate PFC Danceclub. Danceclub was a close friend of SPC Strappy (my ex-gf) and also knew from Strappy's reports that I was a "good guy". I explained the situation to Danceclub and let her know that if Slattern thought it was cool to conduct an unathorized investigation of Airhead (you are not allowed to do this even now) that I would feel no qualms engaging in surveillance of Slattern's personal activities as well. (Slattern was underage, a heavy drinker, adulterer, and fraternizer with junior officers). Danceclub of course saw the reasoning behind this and defused Slattern immediately. Among some portions of MOPS platoon this was seen as demonstarting my concern for soldiers and a capacity for even-handedness on my part, judeg it on your own as I was just doing what I was supposed to do at the time (keeping the company operating). Had this sort of thing been allowed to bloom we would have devolved into an Orweillian organization that would never have been able to accomplish a thing due to internal paranoia.

      There were numerous other incidents during my time in the Orderly Room but most of them have faded with he rest of my memory. I tell this tale simply as a sampling of the retarded bullshit admin NCO's across the Army have to spend their time and energy upon. Perhaps Pseudo will have a few more anecdotes to relate from this era in our joint careers.