Deadly Charisma (Part 4)

The Fall

(or)

Legends of the Fall II: On the Balcony with the Drunken Man-Ape. <–– Credit Pseudosoldier

     I was no longer fucked. After the successful ingratiation into SSG C’s inner circle via my ability to drive a semi-tractor; I knew I had set foot on the Golden Path and I was pretty sure I wouldn’t even end up as a sandworm to boot. SSG C deemd me worthy of enough of his time for me to relate my experience with not only our Guardrail collection system but several other systems as well like the U-2, EP-3, and ARL aircraft. He was mightily impressed by all of this self-important drivel as I learned he had only recently joined the Military Intelligence career field. For nearly 12 years he has been an Airborne Infantry soldier. I learned that while SSG C was a very proud and determined soldier he was also unafraid to seek out personnel for membership in his internal leadership cabal who could shore up any areas he felt he might be weaker in. Fortunately for me I fit the bill perfectly. Not only have I picked a few things here and there about intelligence, I was very willing to verbally beat down anyone outside the cabal who tried to use intelligence related arguments to attack SSG C’s own agendas.

     For those of you in a less testosterone-drenched working environment I feel I must take a moment to explain the importance of the verbal beat down in the modern Army. You see in years gone by the tried and true method of establishing dominance in a group of military men was to be physically intimidating and aggressive. This was simply the nature of military organizations since the dawn of time. If you did not have personal charisma or leadership ability you could make it up out of simple aggression. Even into the 1980’s physical violence was an common if “unofficial” method of straightening people out. Should a soldier challenge your leadership you would simply find the appropriate opportunity to give him a beating. Among all-male units this method was far more effective than you might think. Our pecking order obedience has a lot of evolutionary inertia behind it and the thin veneer of recent civilization is easily stripped away. 

     Since the early 1990’s this method fell completely out of favor. The Army was not only integrating women into formerly all-male units but also the individual soldiers were far more highly educated and aware of their own legal rights than they had been in the past. A new paradigm of hierarchy was required. Enter the new art of “shit-talking” of which I had become a master.

     Instead of a physical beating which would only land you in prison nowadays, the preferred method was to simply verbally denigrate someone into submission. This works especialy well if the main thrust of your beat-down is based in job-related items and not just new and invntive ways of calling the victim a homo-sexual (although the latter provides a nice finishing touch). The military intelligence community reveres this art form and so did SSG C. I immediately starting climbing my way up the units pecking order administering a beat down whenever my reputation required it or when SSG C needed a Mission poseur exposed as a twit. I excelled.

     The only real holdout against my determined assault came from an Arabic linguist named SGT Knuckles. He was a hulking brute of a soldier standing around 6’1” and tipping the scales at around 270lbs. If you took his BDU’s and wrung them out at the end of the day you would have enough straight testosterone to cure the world’s erectile dysfunction problem. While he was unable to mount a verbal counterattack he evidently decided to go another route by inviting me over to his house to drink. In certain military circles this is tantamount to throwing down the gauntlet and declaring that the invitee is obviously a pussy who can’t drink as much as the host can. I gleefully accepted the challenge.