Morons will save the planet!
Published on April 23, 2007 By greywar In Politics

 

 

From Sheryl Crow's Biodiesel Bus Blog (via Wapo)

 


Crow (4/19, Springfield, Tenn.): I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

Crow (4/19): I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve." The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.

 


     If only Hollywood Liberals could rule us all with an iron fist in all aspects of our lives the planet would surely be saved by tomorrow! Perhaps we should also let Sheryl tell us what to eat for each meal so we can minimize our poop output?

 

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. We are CrowTards!

 

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Comments (Page 1)
on Apr 23, 2007
Yeah I heard about her "1 square of toilet paper per sitting" thing this morning. If I ever actually meet her I'll be sure to not shake her hand.

If she's so hot on forest conservation why are her custom made guitars all made from endangered species of trees?
on Apr 23, 2007

If I ever actually meet her I'll be sure to not shake her hand.

I'm going to make sure not to shake anyone's hand who follows that loony tunes advice!

on Apr 23, 2007
You know, those rich people probably have a very thick toilet paper that none of us could afford anyway. I bet she's not using scott's!

Yeah, I bet that if we all starved ourselves like models do we would be able to cut down on our poopage tremendously. One sheet might be enough is there's only a tootsie roll in the toilet.
on Apr 23, 2007
Yeah, I bet that if we all starved ourselves like models do we would be able to cut down on our poopage tremendously. One sheet might be enough is there's only a tootsie roll in the toilet.


Yeah. Those deluxe dinners from El Chico's are real Lincoln log makers.
on Apr 23, 2007

This is a joke.

Isn't it?


Sadly, no. She's dead serious.
on Apr 23, 2007
I just woke up and read this article first thing while having coffee, I started laughing so hard, not just at the absurdaty of Crows statements but some of the comments left here.. thank you all for a GREAT WAKE-UP.
on Apr 23, 2007
Well, instead of toliet paper, we can just go Demolition Man and use the three sea shells : )
on Apr 23, 2007
I started laughing so hard


Well, instead of toliet paper, we can just go Demolition Man and use the three sea shells : )


MM has the best response to this.  Now where can I get those sea shells?
on Apr 23, 2007
Yeah, but how do you use the three seashells?
on Apr 23, 2007
Yeah, but how do you use the three seashells?


I'd rather go back to corn cobs, but I guess they wouldn't flush too well.
on Apr 23, 2007

Wow, I can't imagine.....wow.  She has clearly never potty trained a child!

She's really letting her looniness show. 

on Apr 23, 2007

Wow, I can't imagine.....wow.  She has clearly never potty trained a child!


She's really letting her looniness show. 




Yeah and she must have some serious skid marks too
on Apr 23, 2007
when my brother and I were young we use to joke about how the poor people in India { we did not know any better} use to wipe their ass and it involved using only one piece of toilet paper too.

you tear a small hole in the center of the paper, you stick your finger in the hole, use your finger to wipe the poop outta butt, then wrap the piece of paper around your finger and wipe the finger clean. could that be where ms. Crow got her Idea from?
on Apr 23, 2007
  
on Apr 23, 2007
how the poor people in India { we did not know any better}


We just were told to eat our dinner because of the starving poor people. My parents never got into what happens with the part that was not absorbed in the body!  
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